I dragged my butt out of bed this morning after another shower and much convincing, actually left my room.
I went to Rock Creek Cemetery. I had seen images of some of the monuments in a book called "Stories in Stone", which is essentially and illustrate guide to cemetery symbolism. Anyway, they captured my attention because, not only are they strong representations of grief, but the fact that the bronze had turned into a sickish green and black added to their creepiness and allure.
Driving there this morning was the first time that I had felt peaceful in the past few days. I don't know if was an because I was forcing my mind to think about things other than personal issues, but for a few brief minutes, I knew what it felt like to be alive. And, I felt sort of at home. Okay, well maybe that is a bad expressions, but I did feel a sense of familiarity as I was driving, even though I had absolutely no idea where I was at.
Then I pulled through those cemetery gates and that lifelike feeling I had disappeared and I felt like death again. Appropriate, maybe, considering the circumstances. It was weird to know that you are the only "living" person in a sea of the dead. If there were other visitors in that cemetery, I sure as hell didn't see them. But that's okay, because I'm fairly sure I would have looked like a crazy person. There were a couple of times that I just had to sit down on an exedra and cry and, it may sound a little crazy, talk to anyone who would listen, even if I couldn't see them.
No one must of been listening, or I didn't hear them respond, because I left with as many problems as I came in with.
Anyway, the cemetery was quite nice and represented to me a lot of wealth and power that I don't quite think had faded in the area yet. The stained glass on the mausoleums was beautiful and if I could have gotten good pictures, I would have. The bronze sculptures I came to see in the first place did not disappoint, although they were smaller in real life than they appeared in my book. In fact, the Ffoulke Memorial was even more beautiful in person. The black streaks running down the figures face gave it a expression of absolute exasperation and grief.
It really resonated with me, in case you hadn't guessed.
I don't know what I am going to do tonight. I never ate that Clif bar and I am starving. I am also thoroughly exhausted and would love a nap. I kind of also just want to take a walk. Maybe I'll do all three, or none at all.