As we are well into the new year, I have spent some time thinking about the work that I want to make this coming year.
I did a poor job making work last year, and even though I felt that I had some good ideas, the stuff that did get done, I do not feel was done to my fullest potential. I think part of the problem is that I was over thinking it and forcing it to be something that it did not want to be. Coming off something like The Phenomenology of Impairment, I felt that I had to find a way to out-do myself: build upon it's success and create something even better.
I think that level of stress really inhibited my work. I've found that I do not have to do something more prolific than that, at least not right now. I also think that I was trying to work with emotions that I just wasn't feeling anymore. The Phenomenology of Impairment was associated with so much tension and sadness and a feeling of being generally lost and I just haven't been feeling that.
Over the past year, I've felt like I was just existing: going from one day to the next without any strong emotions. It wasn't a feeling of being lost and it wasn't a feeling of sadness, it was just a feeling of being, but not necessarily living.
Over the past couple of months though, I have actually started living and I am the happiest that I have been in a very long time. Having someone in your life that loves you unconditionally for who you are, and feeling the same way about that person, can really change you perspective on life.
So I'm feeling good. And I'm feeling motivated. And I'm feeling inspired.
I think that I know the direction that I want to go too. I want to go back to collaging and weaving: the things that I was doing when I first started in textiles. They are things that I love, and frankly, things that I miss. And I want to continue to work with the magpie/bird imagery that I was toying with last year, but instead of having the magpie represent two parts of me (the sad and the not sad), I want it to represent two different me's (the lost and the found). I think that it is a good place to start, and if everything works out the way that I have planned, I think that it is going to lead to some good work.