I've been planning out this next body and of work.
I want it to be personal and reflect the events of my life, not just current ones.
Which means I've been thinking a lot about life, and about death.
I've come to the conclusion that life is not linear. I guess I've always been under the impression that you are born, then you live (hopefully with some purpose) , and then eventually you die. But, the more that I think about it, the more that am beginning to believe that "life" is a series of figurative births and deaths, with periods of living in between.
Life is a matter of birth and death: it has a beginning and an end. I do not mean death as an absolute end, but death as a state of dormancy. Each time I have experienced a traumatic event (the death of my grandmother, my divorce, etc.) I have felt a sense of numbness where the potential for life has been unexpressed.
Then comes a period of recuperation: dealing with that traumatic event on an emotional, physical, mental, and metaphysical level. This has been a period of dormancy where all sense of self has been lost and needs to be reconstructed. These have been periods of incubation, where I have had to ask myself what I am living for. The body is complete in terms of its formation, but I wasn't really living so much as simply existing.
And then, at the end of this period of incubation, I have been reborn. I'm not sure exactly what has led to these re-births. Perhaps they occur randomly, perhaps they do not. But, it is after these events where I feel like I know who I am and what I am doing with my life. This is real living.
Until I die again.
Eventually, I will experience death as that absolute state of un-being, but until then, I will be un-made and re-made over and over again.