I just wanted to take a moment to officially thank my friends, old and new, for all of their support over the last month or so.
Things definitely haven't been easy and it has been wonderful knowing that I have a close group of people I can rely on whenever I need them. There's been a lot of tears and staring off into space wondering why in the world all this was happening to me and I appreciate all the hugs and kisses and encouraging words that you have given me. There's nothing like being able to drive an hour on the spur of the moment and lie in a "therapy" bed when you just need to have a cry or being able to make a phone call while sitting in your car in a cemetery hours away from home wondering why you can't be six feet under too.
It has been a month of change and choices: the good, the bad, and the good that are seemingly bad at the time. It has been a month of learning to stand up for myself and making things happen instead of simply wishing them to. It has been a month of letting go and moving on and stopping to take some well deserved deep breaths.
I am happy and sad and scared out of my mind. Change sucks, but in this case, it's all good.
So, thank you. Thank you for giving me advice when you know I can be exceptionally bad at taking it. Thank you for sticking by me even with my inability to make decisions. Thank you for letting my cry when there was no real reason to be crying in the first place. Thank you for offering to let me crash on your couch. Thank you for letting me rant and rave and complain. Thank you for showing me personal happiness is not selfish. And thank you for never judging me for any of it.
You are all awesome and I love you.
I have desperately been trying to get into a groove and get back to work, but I can't seem to get a handle on things. It's not that I am not feeling motivated, it's just that I am not happy with any of the work I have been doing. I don't feel like the pieces I have invested my time in since the beginning of the year are building on the work that I have already done. Instead I feel like they are a bit of a regression.
I think that I am just going to spend a week or so working in my sketchbook and getting my ideas out on paper: working out as many problems there as I can to save time and materials in the future. It is just so damn frustrating because typically I find myself in the opposite situation: no motivation and no ideas at all. This is new to me, and I don't like it.
On a positive note, I applied for a position with the DC Public School system and was asked to send in a video audition. I am incredibly excited about the opportunity. It is the most intense teaching position I have ever applied for.
Things have changed so rapidly in the past month or so of my life and I am anticipating even more big changes in the future.
I've bounced back and forth the past several weeks as to what I actually want to do with my life, because frankly, I just don't know. I'm a creature of habit, and changes, especially big ones, scare the crap out of me. I've bounced back and forth between wanting to move and not, applying for new jobs and not...but recently, I've had a lot of time to sit down and really think about what would actually be good for me.
Those that know me well know that one of the best jobs I've ever had was when I was working as a teacher at the GMA. I loved it! And I was incredibly happy and passionate about the time I spent as a graduate assistant at the Gray Gallery and as an intern at Emerge. The more and more I think about what I want to do with my life, the more I have come to realize that I really love the museum/gallery environment. I love the logistics. I love interactions with artists and the public. I love organizing and installing exhibitions. There is just something incredibly gratifying about the immense amount of hard work that goes into it and knowing that others get as much joy out of it as you do.
And so, I think, I want to go back to school, hopefully starting next spring. This has been an incredibly difficult decision for me to make in and of itself. I swore, after the awfully stressful time I had in graduate school previous that I was done and that I would never go back. I'm afraid of the insane amount of debt I will be in if I do go back. I'm afraid I'll become a perpetual student. I'm afraid that I will never get the job I want not matter what I do and then spending thousands of dollars and three more years of my life at college will be worthless. But, I've come to realize with the two dozen or so jobs I've applied for in museums in the past month, that if it is really a career I want to pursue, then getting a MA in Museum Studies is probably the route to go. Because, aside from the little experience I have, I really have no idea as to the complex way museums operate. And that is experience I need.
Nothing is set in stone, but I am looking into George Washington University's museum studies program. I've already been in contact with people from the department and I am planning on visiting there in April over my break. I've already missed the deadline for all admission, which is kind of a blessing because that it a lot of change (not to mention money) too soon and too fast. So I will have to wait and apply for the following spring, if they will even accept students in the spring because that is something they don't always do.
So, I guess we shall see. Until then, I shall remain teaching and making art and hoping that things work out the way that they are supposed to.
This past week has been...great, actually! I am the happiest that I have been in a long time and the most productive I've been in a long time. I haven't completed any work this week, but I have managed to start a handful. Currently, I am working on several gravestone prints and attempting to finish a piece I started months ago in between prints. I also submitted to my first exhibition since I graduated, which is a nice feeling to have.
No word from any of the jobs I applied to, but my friend did send me a link to a middle school art teacher position in Abu Dhabi and I think I am going to apply for it, because what the hell, I have nothing to lose. I am still feverishly crossing my fingers though for that Education Specialist job, but we shall see.