As we are well into the new year, I have spent some time thinking about the work that I want to make this coming year.
I did a poor job making work last year, and even though I felt that I had some good ideas, the stuff that did get done, I do not feel was done to my fullest potential. I think part of the problem is that I was over thinking it and forcing it to be something that it did not want to be. Coming off something like The Phenomenology of Impairment, I felt that I had to find a way to out-do myself: build upon it's success and create something even better.
I think that level of stress really inhibited my work. I've found that I do not have to do something more prolific than that, at least not right now. I also think that I was trying to work with emotions that I just wasn't feeling anymore. The Phenomenology of Impairment was associated with so much tension and sadness and a feeling of being generally lost and I just haven't been feeling that.
Over the past year, I've felt like I was just existing: going from one day to the next without any strong emotions. It wasn't a feeling of being lost and it wasn't a feeling of sadness, it was just a feeling of being, but not necessarily living.
Over the past couple of months though, I have actually started living and I am the happiest that I have been in a very long time. Having someone in your life that loves you unconditionally for who you are, and feeling the same way about that person, can really change you perspective on life.
So I'm feeling good. And I'm feeling motivated. And I'm feeling inspired.
I think that I know the direction that I want to go too. I want to go back to collaging and weaving: the things that I was doing when I first started in textiles. They are things that I love, and frankly, things that I miss. And I want to continue to work with the magpie/bird imagery that I was toying with last year, but instead of having the magpie represent two parts of me (the sad and the not sad), I want it to represent two different me's (the lost and the found). I think that it is a good place to start, and if everything works out the way that I have planned, I think that it is going to lead to some good work.
It took me a little bit longer than I expected, but I am finally done weaving the scarf that I started.
I really like the way that it turned out. I was really nervous when I started it that the colors would not work together at all and it would come out looking a muddy brown, but it really doesn't. I'm going to give it to a lady that works with my mother since the colors I used are her favorite colors.
I am also working on sketches for a new collage. Will update with details soon!
It snowed here this past weekend so I had a couple of days off of school to actually do some of my own work.
I did finally decide to take out that weaving and fix the tension issues. Taking it out took a good couple of hours, but I got that done, got it tied back on the loom, and have re-woven about half of what I had to take out. I'm so glad I went this route. It looks a hundred times better and I am really looking forward to completing it.
I still hope to have it done by the end of the week.
I've spent a lot of time thinking over the past couple of days about my goals for this year.
I think what brought on this bout of thinking was, strangely enough, taking my bookcases apart so I could paint them. In one of the drawers I found some old wedding pictures and it struck me that, at this point in time, it feels like a completely different life even though it was only a few years ago.
And that's when I decided that I want to do everything that I can to start over and begin a new life. So I began by thowing those pictures away.
Then I had my fake nails removed.
I want to do everything that I can to erase that part of me: painting and replacing furniture, getting back into my art, switching back to glasses...I don't know. It seems a bit silly to me, some of those things, but I want to start my life again and make it a better one.
It's a new year, and I couldn't be more thankful.
Overall 2016 was a rough year. It was just full of unnecessary stress that I didn't need, though it did end on a more positive note than it began. I enjoyed the short break from work that I got. I spent all but two days with my boyfriend and it was just really nice, though admittedly not productive.
Refelcting back, I accomplished some of my goals for last year: I bought a car and a loom. But, I did not do so well with regards to producing work, which I am a little embarassed about, but it's really hard to keep life from getting in the way sometimes. That's one thing that I want to work on this coming year: pushing myself to get stuff done even when I have absolutely zero motivation.
That will help me actually make work. I think I said at one point that my goal for last year was to produce 12 pieces. I think I managed three with a fourth in progress, so not quite a third of the way to that goal. I think half of that would be a reasonable goal for this coming year (because I can already tell that at least the first half is going to be crazy with work) and because some of the things I've been toying with in my mind are going to be a little more in depth.
With regards to the weaving that I started, I'm about half way through, but there is a small area at the beginning where I was having a tension issue. I am almost positive I could fix it after it comes off the loom, but I was laying in bed thinking about it last night, I may just rip out the weaving that I have done so far and re-weave it. I have enough weft yarn to get through it if I do. I just want it to be perfect because I am really liking the color combinations. I wasn't sure that I would because the scarf will be predominantly orange with a lime green weft, but it is weaving up beautifully.
No matter whether I continue with what I have or start fresh, I plan on having done by the end of next week.